4u-stin:

The best friend and I modeling for Brittany.

I modeled for a friend’s photo project and these are my favorites from it. All credit goes to http://anchoredinthen0rth.tumblr.com/

Uggo life swag #self #girl #hair

Hi this is my face.

•You have no idea how unproductive it is, to fall in and out of you as often as I do• #self

I wrote this yesterday at about 3 am. Feel free to ignore. 

I don’t deal with death well. I don’t think anyone can actually say that they can deal with it well, but I’m sure people have better ways than I do. I become really bipolar when I’m trying to deal with something hard. Like the death of a loved one. For example. May of 2012 my grandma passed away after a very brutal yet brief battle with cancer. She passed in her sleep. Peacefully. But still when my mom came over that day to tell my sister, brother and I. It didn’t sink in. It’s like I wouldn’t believe it. I refused to. It wasn’t until I woke up at 3 in the morning one night after a dream with her in it, sobbing and not being able to control myself, that I realized it. She was gone. Never coming back. I would never see her smile again. I would never hold her fragile hand in mine and I walked her through the door of my church. I would never hug her again. I finally let it all out. At her funeral. At her burial. I couldn’t contain myself. My cousins shed a tear or two, I weeped. It’s just how I deal with it.

Now we come to the present. Yesterday I received news that my favorite person in the world (after my grandma of course.) passed away after her own battle with cancer. I’m at the same spot I was last year with dealing with it. It’s still not real to me. What it took for me with my grandma was seeing her. In her casket. I’m so torn about Ms. Sherrys death that I was up all night last night. Beating myself up over the fact that I Can’t feel sad Because its not real to me yet.

I am awake right now not because of choice, but because of my heart being shattered, torn, crushed by news I received from my mom about a friend of mine and my family, Sharon. She had been battling cancer for a while now and she passed away today. When told my heart dropped. This couldn’t be happening. Yes. I knew Sharon was fighting but I always thought she could will her way through anything she wanted. She was a super hero to me. As my restlessness keeps gnawing away at me I could help but think about my grandmother. Who didn’t passed a few months ago but nevertheless I am still very touchy on the subject of her death for it also came at an abrupt, too early feeling moment. I thought about how similar the two were, my grandmother and ms. Sherry. They were both my role models, people I looked up to an people I strived to be like in my life. Much like my grandmother ms sherry was always happy. Happy to see me. Happy to see my grandma, my mom, my brother, heck, even my crazy old grandpa. She was gentle and kind and never spoke down about anyone. I admired this mostly because when I looked at a person all I could see were things that I didn’t like about them. That person has a weird nose. Her breath smells bad. He can’t dress himself. Sharon had a kindness about her that I’d never seen in anybody else. Something I was jealous of. I remember her telling us about all of the different relationships shed had that went wrong in one way or another at breakfast one time and all I could think about was how she didn’t become a bitter old man hating woman. But god himself gave her the gift of kindness, just like he gave my grandma and that’s something I will cherish always.

This is my face. Enjoy it.

“I no longer see the world in black and white, I came back and found something to fight for; it’s you.” #change #self

“I swear, someday I’ll shine.” #self

clangss:

You don’t wanna mess with us, punk.